"We are all handmade people created by a God who is not safe or small." Rend Collective Experiment

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Joel 2:25

Our 3 yo's referral picture taken at the orphanage. The look in his eyes breaks my heart.

" I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten..." Joel 2:25

Picture taken of our sweet boy yesterday. He has grown 8 inches and gained 8 lbs since coming home.. His biggest changes haven't been physical though.

After our almost 3 yo was home for a week the grieving process began...

Those unfmailiar with the process of bonding and attachment in adoption may be unaware that children who are adopted usually grieve in one form or another. Even infants and young children can suffer a tremendous surge of emotion and loss. Loss is at the very heart of adoption.

Our little guy was cheerful during the day. He was curious, playful, and busy exploring this new world he found himself in. He would settle in nicely at night. I would rock him to sleep with a bottle of milk. He would nod off easily. However, he began to awake at 3:00 a.m. every night. He would awaken with huge tears and inconsolable sobbing. He was sleeping in our bed with us so I would pick him up and hold him close and he would hold onto me for dear life. It was as if he were drowning and if he let go of me he would be lost forever. This would last about 2 hours...

It was heart breaking and gut wrenching. I felt so helpless. I would hold him close and whisper reassurances to him but nothing seemed to reach him. I would pray for him and over him. I prayed that God would bring healing to his little soul.

It was during those nights that it hit me full force that this wasn't some little 2.75 yo boy who had just dropped into our family. This was a boy with a past and a history. A tragic one. One where he lost his birth family. One where he lost more in his 2.75 years than I had lost in my 34 years. I ached for the 15 months he spent in the orphanage. Even the best oprhanage cannot replace a family. A Mama and a Daddy to call your own.

Our 11 yo ds struggled to understand why our little one's heart was so broken. He wondered why he would be so sad when we all loved him so much. The best analogy I could think of was to ask him how he would feel if his Daddy and I died and a wonderful family in China adopted him. Although they loved him and were so kind he would grieve the loss of his family. How overwhelming it would be to be in a culture where everything looked, sounded, tasted, and smelled differently.

After about two weeks the nightime grieving stopped as quickly as it had started. We have been amazed to see how God has healed our little one's heart. He has calmed the storm and said "Peace, be still." to his sweet little soul.

He is a loving, affectionate, and kind little boy who desperately wanted to be a part of our family. His favorite book is the photo album I put together for his flight home. He looks at it every night and sleeps with it. Every night as I rock him to sleep he says every family members' name over and over until he nods off.

Last night as I was rocking him to sleep he put his chubby little arms around my neck pulled me close and whispered "MY Mama!"

To God be the Glory great things He hath done!


Sophie said...

It's so wonderful to see your little man so happy. He was such a sad little one at the orphanage. he would cling to whoever was there, but never smiled or said a word. it was heartbreaking...praise the LORD that he has a family now!

Brenda said...

I never really heard about the grieving process these kids go through but it makes sense. I think having him sleep with you is a wonderful idea!

quen said...

i was crying while reading this.
God bless your family