"We are all handmade people created by a God who is not safe or small." Rend Collective Experiment

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Psalm 56:3~4

When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid. Psalm 56:3-4

Before we began our adoptions I am afraid I may have been one of those annoying people who thought that adopting was "the easy way" of having a child. I mean really..no morning sickness, no stretch marks, no labor... and then we began the process and we had that picture of those precious little ones who were "ours" but were half-way around the world. I don't know that anyone except an adoptive parent can understand how hard that is. I remember getting an e-mail letting us know our baby in Ethiopia was in the hospital with pneumonia and telling us to try an not to worry. Ha! As if that were even possible. Then last summer just weeks before our boys were to come home fighting erupted in the capital of Ethiopia. The director of our agency informed me that is was quite close to where our 3 yo's orphanage was. Again I was beseeched with worry. During some point in our adoptions I concluded that being physically pregnant was much easier than adoption, afterall your baby was safe and sound and right under your heart.

And then...I found I was pregnant the day after returning home from Ethiopia with our Wee Babe. I had had 5 uncomplicated pregnancies and had no real cause for concern. Then at 7 weeks we found out I was pregnant with twins but one had gone to be with the Lord before we were ever to hold them. Our Dr. informed us gravely that this could mean the other baby would be lost too.

Then wondrously at 13 weeks they told us all should be fine and to expect a normal pregnancy from there on out.

Until...
two weeks ago at 16 weeks I began bleeding rather heavily late one night. We had no idea what his meant for our little one. It was during this time that I realized that it is not being a biological mother or an adoptive mother that is hard..it's just being a mother. All of our children ultimately belong to God and what a blessing it is that he entrusts them to us for however long He does. He loves our children even more than we do which is so hard to fathom...but He is their Creator and the Bible tells us how He fashioned each one in the womb. What a privelege and a blessing to be a Mother. The rewards are so great and God is so good!

On this past Tuesday we loaded up all the children and headed in for an ultrasound. There our sweet little baby GIRL was just a kicking and a squirming oblivious to the worries of those who love her.. She is fine! A sweet little one and we pray the Lord will let us hold her for many years. May we always realize that all of our little ones are safe in the arms of Jesus..

16 comments:

richlisad said...

Renee - God bless your little girl, the Wee Babe, and the rest of your family, wherever they might be. Love your blog, and your heart for mothering and adoption.

Rich
http://nomorecountingthecost.blogspot.com/

Brianna Heldt said...

Renee this brought tears to my eyes. You and your precious little one will be in my prayers!

And you're right, being a mom is just plain hard.

Beckie said...

(((Renee))) You have a gift with expressing your heart through the written word. I pray for you and your wee baby girl. You are a blessing to all of us privileged to know you...Love Beckie

MP2 said...

I have been worried about you as you hadn't posted in so long. I guess being a mom means we worry about other mommies, too (-: I'm so glad your baby is ok. And I'm so sorry for your loss of your other baby. You're in my heart -MP

Sophie said...

Beautiful, Renee! I've been hoping all is well with you and your famiy since it has been awhile since we've heard from you. glad to hear your little girl is doing so well, and give your little one year old a hug and kiss from me :) ps--that picture of Jesus holding the baby brought tears to my eyes!

Robin's Reports said...

Bawling........

I wish I had known you were up at 5am. I was too. We could have chatted. :o)

PastorMac's Ann said...

You & your little gal are in our prayers. Praise the Lord that she's still growing and kicking and doing fine. Almost 1/2 way until she's in your arms.

5KidMom said...

Writing with much relief. You have really been on my heart lately. I guess now I know why. I should have actually sent that email I thought about so many times. Tough pregnancies played a big part in our decision to adopt. They can be extraordinarily trying for the whole family. I will keep you and your entire family in my prayers.

Congratulations on your sweet baby girl!

owlhaven said...

Congrats on your sweet baby girl!

Ruth said...

I am praying for your family and your precious baby girl!

Christine said...

Renee, It was a beautiful post. Yes, being a mommy is hard. I can add one more dificult perspective to mothering...that of fostering. I so hate loving them and giving them up. So glad gor your new baby girl and can't wait to see the pics of your others doting on her. Love to you.

Marian said...

So beautifully expressed. So true.

Heather said...

What a beautiful post! Like one of those movies that seems like it's going to have a sad ending, but suddenly the ending is beautiful! :)

Anne said...

Oh my, Renee, you had my heart pounding -- I am so relieved to know that your girl is fine! Very best wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy on your way to holding that precious baby in your arms.

Dawn said...

God is holding you in His hands..
blessings

Dawn

Heather said...

Your post made me cry! Avery and I have been waiting for over 11 months now since our referral of our two Ethiopian kids. You're right- the labor that goes into bringing adopted kids home far surpasses biological labor, for it's a long, hard labor of the heart. Can't wait to see pics of the new baby!
Heather